The Pause Before the Smile
by Mrs Trellis
Summary: Little extension of the final scene from season 6. If you haven't seen the finale yet, HERE BE SPOILERS. This is basically a sweet little 'what now' fic.


**Usual stuff here: I don't own them, make any money out of them, ever claim any rights etc etc - but if Mr Hanson wil insist on leaving us these little cliffhangers to play with, I reserve the right to play with them. Purely for amusement's sake and for no profit you understand.**

**If you haven't seen the season 6 finale yet, this will either make no sense or spoil it for you, so go and do that first.**

**Perfectly clean for now - indeed as far as I'm concerned this story is complete as of this minute, but my muse is an odd being and I'm sure she may well extend it as the summer break goes on. There may well be smut later, with these two I honestly can't help myself. But for now, smut-free.**

**Enjoy. And please review :)**

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><p>The length of time between her announcement and the start of his smile was so long she thought time had stopped. Her rational mind knew such a thing to be impossible, but rationale was all out of the window now. She returned the smile, but tentatively. How to approach the next question?<p>

'What do I do now?'

Confusion spread across his handsome face. 'Do?'

'I need you to tell me. Do I keep it and stop working with you or keep our work relationship going by…'

He pressed a finger to her lips, preventing her from asking the unaskable.

'Don't. Don't even think it. I know you're all about the logic and it's your body and I respect that, I do, but…' He frowned. 'You above all people respect human life, it's one of the reasons I love you.'

She took a step back, flustered by this sudden declaration. That night, after the shooting, when she had turned to him for comfort, the matter of love had not been involved. It had been about solace. Mutual reassurance. Consolation. It had been wordless: consent and agreement all given in a glance. Afterwards, they had fallen asleep in each other's arms and nothing further had been said since. They had both understood and the night had not been repeated.

'You love me?'

'Of course I do! I always have, I never stopped. Even with Hannah… It's always been you.'

She smiled shyly. 'I just don't know what to do. This wasn't planned, we're not even together.'

He took her hand and they started walking again, silence reigned for a while as he gathered his thoughts.

'Well, we have a number of options. The first – I think you know how I feel about the first. The second – you have the baby but give it up for adoption. Nothing changes between us, the bureau might separate us for a while, but I'm sure we could continue to work together. Three, you have the baby, we stay as colleagues as long as the bureau permits. Then there's four. We give this a shot. Everything, the whole shebang. The bureau might split us up, but why should we care if we're together?'

She looked fearful. 'Because if being together … if it doesn't work, then we've both lost everything. Wouldn't it just be easier to end this, now, and leave everything exactly as it is?'

So she was still a little impervious. Fair enough, he thought, if he was completely honest with himself he was still a little angry.

'Do you remember the night after the blackout?'

The question was such a non-sequitur that she was temporarily thrown. Once she had cleared the static of bewilderment from her head, she looked up at him and nodded.

'You said that we couldn't work as a couple. That you weren't strong enough yet. Would you being stronger make you more able to try the couple thing?'

'I don't know. I'm stronger now than I was that night. When Vincent died…' she paused, swallowing the emotion of that still-raw memory. 'When Vincent died, I think I realised that I am not impervious at all. Or at least, not as much as I believed or wanted myself to be. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to raise a child alone. I know I'm not strong enough to see you get hurt again, especially if it's me that's caused it.'

They were at his apartment door now. Neither had led the way there, neither had made such a conscious decision. He let them both in and habit took over. He went to the kitchen for beer; she curled herself on the couch and smiled weakly at him as he returned.

'You might wish to rethink your choice of beverage.'

'Oh, God! Sorry, wasn't thinking. What do you want?'

'Water will be fine, thank you.'

Once he was back, the silence returned once more. He took one more swig from his beer bottle and cradled it in his hands, picking at the label.

'I think we should try.'

'I know you do. I just don't want to hurt you.'

'You might not. It's not like we're starting a relationship from scratch here. We've known each other for years, we know how we tick. We know we drive each other crazy from time to time. We know' he grinned mischievously, 'we know that – how did you put it? Making love turned out to be, er, 'quite satisfying.''

She smiled and blushed. No arguments there, she had to agree.

'Look, it'll go one of these ways. It could be a total disaster, which we're both smart enough to recognise straight away and call it quits amicably. It could be great for a while, then it'll head south and we'll both realise and split - amicably. One of us could hate it and dump the other. Or it could be fantastic. It could be amazing. We could both be happy. And so what if it then goes south down the line? I'm still the gambler, I'm still prepared to take that risk.'

He stared her in the face now, those earnest brown eyes willing, begging, demanding her to trust him, believe him… love him?

'Can we find a middle ground? Can we take everything a day at a time, for now? I don't think I can just launch myself into the middle of a longstanding relationship, I think I need to 'start from scratch' as you put it. I'm not saying let's date first or anything, just – let's not move in together and pretend like we're one happy family straight away, ok?'

'I can do that.'

'And I know that you may want to, but I'm not marrying you.'

He laughed heartily. 'Honestly, I hadn't even thought of asking. I'm not promising I won't ask one day, but I won't ask you now.'

'Also, I don't want to tell anyone yet. Can we wait until I've had my first scan, just to be sure and everything?'

'That seems fair.'

He sat back on the couch, suddenly aware that he felt uncomfortable in her presence. So, were they now a couple? Could he just reach out and take her in his arms? Kiss her? He glanced at her. Mere inches away at the far end of the chair, she seemed a mile away, deeply involved in her thoughts, whatever they may be. He offered his hand, and she took it as an offer of an embrace, resting her head to his chest and laying her body down alongside his. He kissed her forehead and felt her smile against him.

That was good enough for him for now. He would take each day at a time.


End file.
